( . )( . )

I’m pretty sure the most popular entry in this blog is the one from late April: Women Lacking Complexity—For SCIENCE! about blogger Jen McCreight’s initiative Boob Quake.  Wow, who would have thought it?  The most popular blog was about tits. 

Yes, there are two big issues looming when it comes to women and comics.  Seriously, that’s not a rhetorical flourish, there are two.  Let’s deal with the D-cups first, because there is a reason they go on the cover.  Men like breasts.  A couple months ago, Warner Bros posted screencaps to Arkham City, the sequel to the Arkham Asylum computer game. 

The gullible souls who bought into the Brubaker/Cooke scam and continue to think flat-chested and short hair are the hallmarks of a dynamic empowered woman started frothing at the mouth:  Look at those breasts!  How can it be!  It is the goggle-whore costume we have all been trained to defend as practical no matter how nonsensical the word is as applied to any costume in any comic including the one this displaced.  It is black and not purple, she has no long flowing hair cascading luxuriously out the back of her cowl, how can she have breasts that can be seen without special lenses?!  It does not compute.  The horror, the horror!  How dare they defame the good name of Catwoman by giving her a figure men will enjoy looking at!

I really had hoped the Iranian cleric that started the whole Boob Quake thing would have woken those silly women up.  Because if you buy into the idea that boobs are bad and there is something wrong with men who like them, then you’re standing with Fahas Ahardtime Acceptinghalfthehumanrace-majad.  That doesn’t strike me as very enlightened or feminist, ladies, but hey, you don’t see the problem with the whore either, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. 

For those who aren’t irrevocably committed to the doctrine of Men Suck, let’s briefly revisit why the male of the species like the breasts.  I’m sorry Notting Hill fans, there is a reason and it’s not “because they’re stupid.”  It’s because we’re primates.  For a long, long, long, long time, the male approaching a female for mating purposes is looking at a rump.  Now fast forward a few million years.  We're all walking upright. What in the general vicinity of the new eyelevel looks like that? There’s nothing perverse about it.  Men notice cleavage.  Put it on the cover, they’ll notice your cover.  That’s not an automatic sale, but it gets their attention.  What you do then is up to you.

Which brings us to the second issue when it comes to women in comics: who they are as opposed to how they look.  Let’s start with a quote from a creative writing forum, which was sent to me after the recent blog on Fridging:

“As it was explained to me by a comics professional years ago at a convention panel on the topic, the vast majority of comic writers are men who simply don't understand women. Since they don't understand women (and earn more by churning out stories as quickly as possible), they save time by reducing women to cliched roles as either the girlfriend or the victim.”

I include the elaborate provenance – that this is something told to a reader in a con/panel situation—because there is always the possibility that it is simply not true.  That it was given in the context of “Look, we don’t serve up all these rapes and murders because we’re sad little trolls who can only feel like men by bringing down women.”  If that was the tone of the panel, then this could have been presented as a simple expedient.  Rather than debating if there is any palpable difference between murder of Sue Dibny in Identity Crisis and the murder of Duncan in the Scottish play, the above quote diffuses the situation quickly without controversy by playing into the widely held preconception of comics writers as arrested adolescents.

The irony is if that's true and not an invented excuse, it’s completely unacceptable.  Women are 53% of the population.  You can’t be a professional writer in any medium and “simply not understand” half the human race.  You’re going to embarrass yourself, embarrass the idiots who hired you, and you’re going to fail—over and over and over.  So let’s cut these guys a break and reveal the key to writing women that both men and women in the audience will love.  Then everybody can do it and that removes "I don't understand lumpy people" as an excuse.  The following has been said elsewhere, but never as well as by the late Harold Ashman:

“In every classic musical, one of the first three songs belongs to the heroine.  She comes downstage, often sits on a convenient planter or bale of hay, and sings about what she wants from her life.  And the audience falls in love with her… and they spend the next three acts rooting for her to get it.”

It is, honest to god, that simple.  And that complex.  Start with what she wants.  If Cattitude succeeds where others have failed, it is because it is grounded in what Catwoman wants from stealing: a restoration of the love and safety she felt as a child, which she came to associate with the wealth and comfort she knew in her parents’ home.  I cannot accept that the ability to pee standing up somehow short-circuits the ability to understand that simple human motivation.  What we want is seldom a function of gender.  The best art and jewel thief in the world comes from privilege and not poverty because the root associations make sense.  If any man wants to step up and explain what in his anatomy would screw with anything that shampoo simple, I would be fascinated to hear it. 

Food, shelter, love, freedom, a sense of self-worth.  None of them have anything to do with reproductive plumbing.  If you “simply don’t’ understand” women, then you simply don’t understand people and if that’s the case, you have no business writing at all. 

Now, if you don’t get a particular subset, join the club.  Twilight fans, the gals who take the Sex and the City bus tour, the Real Housewives of anywhere… Don’t ask me, fellas, I’m as confused as you are.

Chris Dee
www.catwoman-cattales.com
cattales.yuku.com
cattales.wikispaces.com

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Fat is Flavor

Chef Josh Grinker recently blogged a list of “Things Chefs Don’t Want You To Know.” The explanation for #1 (There is butter in everything) began like this:

In every culinary school in America, they hammer home the same three-word mantra to students day after day, year after year, until it’s like a little voice in your brain that guides virtually every culinary decision you will make for the rest of your career: 'Fat is Flavor.'

Now, this isn’t a cooking blog, and if there are any nutrition proselytizers out there who want to make the case for their fat-free, salt-free, gluten free, lentil and tofu roulade being just as tasty as a deep dish with pepperoni and sausage from Giordano's, they can lump it. Because there are two key elements in Grinker’s statement which are the gateway to serial success or—in DC Comics’s case—serial failure.

First of all, the three little words are true. I could spend a day perusing the Good Eats clips on youtube for Mr. Science-style demonstrations explaining that reality molecule-by-molecule, but again, this is not a cooking blog. The point is, regardless of what you say on the convention floor, no matter what you put in the press release or tell the columnist from IGN, and no matter what would be convenient for you personally or professionally, no matter what creates a political pain in the ass for you personally or professionally, the bedrock principle on which you base your decisions has to be TRUE. One example off the top of my head: readers like the theme rogues. You can accept that and build your one year arc around Croc, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Joker, Harley Quinn, Riddler, and Two-Face and be on your way to the hit of the decade, or you can reject it, stage a parade of faceless mobsters and serial killers, and then grouse that grumble that you’re never as popular as that other guy.

Assembling the list of wrong ideas DC has about life, the universe, and everything would be a daunting task, and not necessarily a productive one. Because the second key in Grinker’s statement is that repetition of the founding principle(s) until it becomes an instinct. There are some major figures out there who are so consistently wrong in everything they say and do, they’ve definitely got the instinct mechanism working, it’s just based on faulty base principles.
From "Bruce Wayne is the mask" to the fallacy of Millerism, they have core ideas, those ideas just happen to be wrong. But there are others who have no little voice leading them in any direction. They go from mediocre to pretty good to clinically insane, from really bad to slightly above average to “oh hell, the syphilis got to their brain.” That is the mark of a writer, editor, or manager who is stumbling blind. They have no root principles, so every choice brings them back to square one. They’re a ping pong ball in a wind tunnel, and whatever gusts hit them last will determine where they go next.

Look, things do change in this world. One of the major reasons the Titanic went down is because everything Captain Smith knew was wrong. It was based on based on 30 years of experience, but on that ship on that voyage in those waters: wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. But here’s the catch: other things do NOT change. There is a reason the term is bedrock principles. Some things simply are, they are constants, they do not alter. “You know how you cook a great steak? You slather it in butter, throw it on the grill, paint it with more butter.” Because fat is flavor. The principles of storytelling do not change. Going home. Coming of age. Sin and redemption. The hero. The power of love. They are hardwired into us, just like our taste buds process sweet, sour, bitter, and salt. Can a new voice come up with something startling and creative and unprecedented? Absolutely. Can they invent a fifth taste? No. No, they can’t. Can they make it so we don’t like sweet anymore? No, no they can’t.

Find the true bedrock principles, repeat them until they become a little voice in the back of your mind shaping every decision you make, and you might just rock the world. Insist that fat isn’t flavor… well, enjoy your empty restaurant.

Meanwhile, the Cat-Tales kitchens are bustling these days. Electron 29: Chapter 4 is out. Compilations of Books 1 through 4 are out in ebook formats for Kindle, Sony, Nook, iPhone/iPad/iPod, and pretty much everything as well as new print-ready pdf editions. Individual Tales 1 through 50 are also available, and several have new covers showcased here, here, and here. The last ten tales (through #60) will be out - both individually and as the Book 5 Compilation - in time for Christmas. New installments of both spinoffs: Capes & Bats by Wanders Nowhere and Don’t Fear the Z by Random Equinox are in the pipeline and may actually be out by the time you read this, and an amazing new artist is soon to debut in the Fan Art Gallery. And oh yes, Batcatfever will kill me if I don't mention that the forums have been quietly devouring the latest snippets from Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

Chris Dee
www.catwoman-cattales.com
cattales.yuku.com
cattales.wikispaces.com

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Are We Having Fun Yet?

This past weekend saw the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, and while I enjoyed it tremendously, what really struck me enough to blog about was the post-rally press conference with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Listen to Stewart’s description of “the hardest thing to pull off” and if you have time, go on to part two and listen to how many times the word “joy” comes up.

Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear
Press Conference - The Hardest Thing to Pull Off
www.comedycentral.com
Rally to Restore Sainty and/or Fear The Daily Show The Colbert Report

(Link to Press Conference for those who cannot see the embedded video.)

Bob Fosse used to say “Without Joy, the work is meaningless.” Anyone who is familiar with the man’s work knows he didn’t mean happy-happy joy-joy, carousel horses and candyfloss. Fosse’s work was dark enough to satisfy the lost generation of comics readers that came of age under Miller, but it never left you feeling you needed a shower. Because of that Joy. However dark it got, the work came from the good place. It came from that higher, spiritual thing inside all human beings that artists use to connect with something greater when they create. It did not come from a damaged soul trying to make up for its deficiencies. That shit never lasts. It can make a splash for a moment, but then it fades because it lacks that indefinable Quality, that mystic thing that endures. Whatever that thing is, it comes from the part of us that is better, not worse. It comes from what makes us alive. It comes from what makes it GOOD to be alive. It comes from Joy.

So today’s big question for the 4-color comic crowd – the ones still reading DC’s monthly output but more importantly to the ones writing and drawing them – is this: Are you having fun yet?

I would like to draw attention to two Bat-groups who certainly are:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold have not only embraced the lip twitch, they have committed Pink Batman, Singing Joker, and Bat-Mite riffing on Mxyzlptk. What’s more, they make it work. Something most of us would have thought impossible, because Batman is such serious fucking business. But no, time after time, week after week, these guys have lifted the layers and layers of dark and gritty godawfulness that have been accumulating since the first crisis, and they have restored that magical joy-thing inside all characters and stories that endure.

Club Batman. This is a group in Spain which is celebrating its 20th anniversary with a series of Bat-art expositions that will simply blow your mind. From Aparo to Breyfogle, these guys know how to relish what’s good, how to savor and celebrate the character they love. In short, they know how to be fans and rather than fanboys. Feliz Aniversario, Club Batman. Here’s to 20 more years.

And me? Well, I’ll be honest, there’s more frustration than joy when I can’t eek out a blog entry. I resist the idea of blurting out a list of stuff that’s going on if I can’t make it interesting, and making it interesting takes a fair amount of time away from getting the stuff DONE. It’s like the Captain Obvious observation that if you’re constantly tweeting and updating your Facebook profile, you’re not actually doing anything except tweeting and updating your Facebook profile. So this will be brief, and if it’s not that interesting, that is the reason why.

Ebooks are now available for the individual tales up through Book 4, as well as newer higher quality pdfs for those readers who prefer the feel of actual paper in their fingers. The compilations—both ebooks and pdfs—are up on the website for Books 1 and 2. 3 and 4 will be along soon. They’re in the pipeline, I just need a few hours sans interruptions. Heh. Heheh. HAHAHHAHAHAAAA! Now that’s comedy. (Seriously though, maybe this weekend.)

Chapter 4 of the latest tale,  Electron 29, is also nearly ready for release. About 98% there, I’d say. Also waiting patiently for its turn at a ride on the unicorn (read: an hour of my uninterrupted, undistracted freetime).

In the meantime, there is a new spinoff to enjoy. Random Equinox has begun Don’t Fear the Z, examining the events of Don’t Fear the Joker from the POV of our favorite band of ex-henchmen lair-builders.

In SL, I’ve begun interviews for a virtual assistant and some voice talent, which in the long run should mean more free time to focus on the writing, but short term… woof, not so much.

So that’s the Cat-Tales catch-up. There are 2 or 3 things/people I’m waiting for in order for other things to move forward. In the meantime, I’d like to borrow a cup of Joy if anyone can spare it.

Chris Dee
www.catwoman-cattales.com
cattales.yuku.com
cattales.wikispaces.com

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The Fallacy of Fridging

This is dedicated to the ones who scream “Fridge” if anything bad befalls any female character in any context… 

The Overthinking It Flowchart of Female Characters
from Overthinkingit.com

Fridging, for the happily unenlightened, is taken from the title of an essay "Women in Refrigerators" which deconstructs female characters who are killed, raped, or otherwise brutalized... but mostly killed and decapitated so their heads can be left in the hero's refrigerator.  The complaint--and it's a fair one up to a point--is that the women and their deaths are just plot devices.  It's not the story of their deaths, it's the effect their deaths have on the hero.

Of course the same can be said of Duncan or Hamlet's father, but nobody ever bemoans king-snuffing. 

Look, I know these Fridge-Screamers are good people, most of them, and they’re honestly trying to help, but the fact is, they are the problem, not the writers. These well-meaning souls seem to think they are educating the rest of us by dissecting women’s roles in fiction in the ways shown here. In their minds, it’s writers putting women in these categories that keep them from being full and equal human beings alongside the men. We who might actually enjoy these outings are like savages worshipping a radioactive idol, not realizing that the glow we find so fascinating is bad for us.

Well, sorry, fact is, the Fridge-Screamers are the ones who have a faulty understanding. Because the thing that keeps these women from being full and equal human beings is that THEY’RE NOT. They’re not real! They are CHARACTERS. Characters in stories are going to repeat certain patterns and fit into certain roles. You accept that in order to experience the story in the same way you buy a ticket to a movie. It is literally the price you pay to get in on the experience. We could play this same stupid game with the men, because they too have a role to play in any story. But we don’t dissect them for 180 kinds of imaginary subtext simply because they have testicles—and that is the only thing that is keeping them on a higher shelf than the women. The women aren’t as real because of these analysis matrices taking everything they say, do, or wear out of the context of the story and run through the defensive paranoia filters of every silly blogger out there who read the syllabus for a women’s studies course one time and imagines she has amazing new insights.

Look, there are misogynist trolls out there masquerading as writers, as editors, as movie directors. They are not hard to identify. That seems to be the problem, actually. Sally Sophomore doesn’t feel like an enlightened intellectual pointing to the sky and saying “It’s blue.” On the contrary, there is a predisposition to reject the obvious simply because everyone can see it. “All you people, the peasants, you think the sky is blue because that’s what your eyes tell you. You’re not as wise and wonderful as me. I am one of the elite who can appreciate the particular un-blueness that so eludes your simpleton mentality.” While Sally is harmless (annoying as hell, but harmless), she does contribute an awful lot to the noise pollution that keeps real issues from being discussed. That’s a pity, but hey, that’s the Internet.

It is Monday, so a brief CT update is order. I really don’t know where to begin at this point, which probably explains the diatribe on Sally. I guess Electron 29: Chapter 3 would be a good start. That’s out! I don’t usually release stuff over the weekend, and I know how it slips by a few readers when I veer off schedule that way, but the way things are going, I can’t be that choosey about when things get done. Anyone who misses an update, hey, there’s the newsletter, the forums, Twitter, ffnet author alerts, and this paragraph. If all that escapes ‘em, DOUBLE CHAPTERS NEXT TIME! Woohoo! They can have a Cat-Tales readathon.

Anyway, one of the main reasons for the big time crunch is the ebook conversion. The Book 1 compilation as well as all the individual B1 tales are done, and Book2 is so far along that it will probably be up on the website by the time you’re reading this. That brings us up to the present, but things don’t line up for the future by themselves: writing on chapter 4, conversions of Book 3, prepping the fan art gallery for a new artist, all these things are in the pipeline, along with one other treat I’m trying to arrange by Christmas… *stops and takes a deep breath* …which is why I can’t afford much blog time to shout out to all the Purple Catwomen at New York Comic Con...

The forum's own "Glitch2" as Eddie in this one

http://www.flickr.com/photos/worldofrandsom/5063929074

http://www.flickr.com/photos/edwick/5066797000/

...Let alone recap “Why men like boobs” for the new crop of terminally confused whackadoodles. I’d like to, along with a few other issues that cropped up over the summer, but the Tales come first, and the commentary on non-tales matters comes second. Today we got Overthinking It out of the way. It’s a start…

That said, Kitty can really use an extra set of hands. So… I’m thinking it might be time to get an intern again. Since we now have a virtual visitor center in Second Life, I’d prefer an SL resident. If you’re interested, stop by the Cat-Tales Visitor Center in Second Life and send me a notecard. If you’re not in SL, you can send me a PM through the forum, but I’m giving preference to SL people on this one.

Chris Dee
www.catwoman-cattales.com
cattales.yuku.com
cattales.wikispaces.com

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The Week in Cat-Tales

Whew.  I got Reputation in place with the ePub format and new PDF.  It’s going to be better all around, but damn, it is going to be a lot of busywork.  The client’s better downshift for a couple months so I have time for the Everything Else of Cat-Tales besides the writing.  On the writing end, I got Chapter 2 released, and the response to that has been very gratifying.

I was particularly delighted to hear from a reader who recognized the homage to the UK series Hustle. 

Any of you Americans who like the Timothy Hutton series Leverage, you might want to stop right here because if you ever saw Hustle, you would no longer find Leverage watchable.  Hustle chronicles the adventures of a crew of long con players in London.  They are real con artists in that they do it for profit, their own profit.  They con people who deserve it, but they’re seldom avenging a specific victim of their mark.  Leverage wallows so much in the terrible pain the marks have brought to people, it dampens the fun factor considerably.  Hustle also has no car chases, gun battles or big explosions.  It may come as a shock to US writers and producers that the elegance and fun of the con itself—not to mention the appeal of the characters—can carry a one hour show.  Guess what, it can, it does, and once you’ve had the good stuff, you’ll never be able to drink that swill again without knowing it’s swill.

Anyway, big fan of Hustle, and the “Riddler’s lost his mojo” element of Electron 29, as well as the Love Diamonds angle in Not My Kink are both loving homages to a show that gets that key ingredient that is as necessary for Catwoman as for a good heist movie: the fun of being bad and getting away with it.  Meow.

There was also a little something in Chapter 1 that is, not so much an homage, but an old-fashioned Cat-Tales commentary on a comics-related issue.  One of my email correspondents was SO CLOSE in saying one aspect of Bruce’s ranting on the plane had some significance outside the tale, but they didn’t guess what it was referring to.  I’m going to give him a little more time to get it, since it is also one of my “cleaning out the closet” bullet points, and I’d just as soon save them for another day.  I will say that, even though there’s a little subtext to the things Bruce said on the plane, that doesn’t mean they’re not relevant to the story.  But readers will learn more about which of those dots connect in Chapter 3.

Short entry today, new week, new month, lots to do.  Ciaomeow everybody!

Chris Dee
www.catwoman-cattales.com 
cattales.yuku.com
cattales.wikispaces.com

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Capes, Bats, Cats, Covers... Not so much with The Closet

I certainly hoped to get in a quick comment on all the stuff that has been going on this summer which certainly warranted a purr or a scratch, but for which I didn't have time.  A metaphorical closet-cleaning to match the physical one.  Unfortunately for my mental closet but fortunately for Cat-Tales, there has been - yet again - too much going on to bother with the knucklhead stuff.

1.  The new Cat-Tale: Electron 29 hit the cyberstands last week,  and as anyone who has written Edward Nigma will tell you, he doesn't sit quietly in the back of your head waiting for you to finish other things before you start on his next chapter.  If you don't start writing, he'll start without you.  Meh. 

2. Wanders Nowhere has released a new installment of his Dracula in Gotham fic Capes and Bats.  Much as I want to gush, you simply will not believe me.  Believe the forum: "This little tale created an imagery and gravitas in the first chapter that the graphic novel storytellers of Gotham have been trying to do for decades" "Gorgeous prose" "Masterful".  'Nuff said.  Read it, just read it... in time for Halloween because we're not done yet and... Whew... *fans self*  just read, trust me.

3. We're getting ready to welcome a new artist into the fan art gallery, and that requires a little more work backstage than a busy girl could want in the midst of #1, 2, and 4.

4. EBOOKS!  Yes, the new ePub format is going to make mobile readers very happy and it's also given me an opening to redo the printable pdfs and kindle documents so we have some consistency.  Win-win, but it's the sort of thing where the first few will take a while, but taking the time to do them RIGHT will make everything go much smoother down the line.  In that spirit of doing it right, I want to give the individual story pdfs their own covers.  Right now, they use the square ones from the website and it's okay but the images are not made for the medium and it shows.  Now, I don't plan to do this for all the tales, but Cat-Tale #1 is, of course, a special case. So I have 4 possible covers up, and I am opening it up for a vote.  Please don't worry about the words of the title "A Girl's Gotta Protect Her Reputation."  They will be placed better on the final image, whichever it is to be.  Just vote for your favorite image. 

Chris Dee
www.catwoman-cattales.com
cattales.yuku.com
cattales.wikispaces.com

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Cleaning out the Hell Mouth (Not a Metaphor)

Writing is a more complicated process than most people think.  Many readers certainly come to the conclusion that there is a lot of me in my Selina, and of course there is.  It doesn’t stop there, however.  There’s a lot of me in Bruce, in Alfred, in Eddie and Harvey, in Talia, Whiskers, Sly, Luthor, Ivy and Ubu.  All the characters come out of the 9th circle of the Dee brain. 

One of the details I do share with Selina is a hell mouth closet.  It is not a metaphor, it is – or was – all too real.  Last week, I cleaned it out.  Again, this is not a metaphor.  This was a very real exercise in sifting through clutter, throwing out stuff, and sneezing a lot.  I am happy to say I have a hell mouth no more.  Yay for the nice walkable path down the center of the storage bins, which could be thinned a little more if I want to spend a month on ebay, but I don’t.  So for now, we’re good.

Except for one thing: comics.  All the comics remain out here in the non-closet world.  Those from the closet and those that were never returned to it after being pulled for reference in this fic or that.  They’re going to be here for a week or two.  Some to be filed or refiled, some to get broken down into smaller boxes.  Some will be going into their first box from the land of “stack and drawer”   It’s going to be interesting.  When it’s over, there’s another smaller closet I have my eye on (not a hell mouth, we’ll just call it Jersey).  Once the comic boxes are arranged, I’m hoping to purge its contents and put the boxes in there. 

What does any of this mean for Cat-Tales?  Well, there could be an upswing in silver age influence if I get to reading as I work.  I don’t think Selina will be cleaning out her hell mouth again.  She says once was enough for that kind of thing.  So long as Catwoman has one and only one origin, she sees no need for more than one voyage of discovery into that closet.   That just leaves the sneezing.  Some character sneezing his head off could have enormous comic relief possibilities, but it’s unlikely I’m ready to see the funny since it was only about 72 hours ago I was the one doing the sneezing.  Still, one of these days, somebody… probably Oswald.  Heh.

So that’s the art follows life side of the equation.  Life also follows life, and there is going to be some metaphorical closet cleaning too.  Because the long, hot summer is drawing to a close and not only are we a little backed up on Cat-Tales, there is a certain backlog on blogging.  I’m hoping to get them all out of the way in a few quick entries. 

You have been warned.

Chris Dee
www.catwoman-cattales.com 
cattales.yuku.com
cattales.wikispaces.com

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